I'm Back! My health story: Part 1

 {disclaimer}: this post is wordy so I've divided it into two parts......

 
WOW!! I'M BACK!! It's been awhile since I posted on my beloved blog! I have missed connecting with the wonderful friends and supporters I've gained since starting my blog......I found that I really NEED and enjoy that connection and also my desire to share things that I've created.


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The projects and new creations have slowed WAY down these past few months that I've been away, unfortunately. My health has been a worry and concern for me lately and made it nearly impossible to do the things that I love doing. I really struggled writing this post and putting into words a very personal experience, but I hope that maybe by my writing this it can help or encourage someone in a similar situation. I think that as mothers and women we want to appear like we have everything together. On the outside I was just fine......inside I was crumbling.
 
For the past year, my health slowly got to a point that I just couldn't function anymore.....like at all, really. It's amazing that my children are still alive! They are resilient little creatures for sure because I don't think any of them would guess the amount of pain I was in. And when I say pain, it wasn't the physical sort that you would likely think, but a complete physical and mental exhaustion that turned to a pain unbearable.
 
My days were like this: Wake up at 7:15, get my 2 older boys off to school, eat breakfast (I'm a breakfast girl. If there is one meal that I NEVER skip it's breakfast!!) 8:30, go back to sleep on the couch while my daughter watches cartoons and entertains herself. 11:00, drag myself off the couch and wander around for another hour trying to convince myself that I have energy. 12 noon I actually got a small kick of energy to get some housework done, fix lunch for my daughter, run short errands, or work on a project. 2:00 pm, I'm completely drained.......it's depressing really even just typing this (that was such a dark point in my life it's hard to even recall it)
 
Okay, back to my schedule.....most days I will need to lay down after kids are home from school around 3:30. I would cry myself to sleep on the couch thinking about my boys who were gone all day from their mom and now I don't even have the energy to ask them about school. 5:00, pull myself together to fix something for my family to eat (not many healthy home cooked meals were happening during this time) 7:00, I went to bed with my kids.......half the time falling asleep on their floor and then dragging myself to my own bed for the night. Wake up the next morning and repeat....
 
I knew that I could only do the absolute bare minimum to keep my family functioning so any other miscellaneous to-do's were out of the question (my blog, decorating my home, maintaining friendships, extra activities with my kids, etc.) I couldn't commit to much knowing that my energy level just simply wouldn't let me.
 
As if I wasn't already overwhelmed with what I couldn't do we found and bought our dream home (we'd been looking for over a year and a half!) and MOVED in November. That was truly a blur.....if it wasn't for my mom and the powers of heaven I'm not sure I could have done that.
 
Although these days were extremely dark for me, my family was my biggest support, especially my amazing husband and my equally amazing mother! There would be nights that I would cry, wondering out loud if I would ever be me again to my husband and he would just hold me in his arms and tell me that yes, of course you'll be you again.....we just need to figure this out. My mom would call to check on me just about every day. She helped me with my kids and let me just talk......or probably complain mostly about how I couldn't get anything done, how I was a horrible mother, how utterly exhausted I was, how I was letting everyone in my life down.....the list goes on. I was (and still am) so grateful to have such support from those closest to me.

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Be sure to come back tomorrow for the rest of my riviting story:)
 
 

8 comments:

  1. Brooke,

    I am so sorry to hear of the struggles you have dealt with. I can completely understand your struggle, being a wife and mom and struggling with health issues is very hard.

    So glad to read your post and I look forward to reading the rest of your story! Glad you are back :)

    xoxo, Tanya

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    1. It really is SO hard.....guilt does a number on our brains for sure! Thanks for being a great support, Tanya!

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  2. Does this story end with fibromyalgia or CFS? I hear ya, sister! Don't worry, you're not the only one! My prayers are with you and hope that you are finding your way out of the darkness. While you may not have been able to do all the things with your family that you felt you should, I'm positive that they know that they are loved! And that's the most important part of being a mom! Looking forward to hearing more... Sally (crazysallyteacher@yahoo.com)

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    1. Sally, you are an angel! :) I SO needed to hear that.....that is the most important part of being a mother for sure. Thank you so much for taking the time to brighten my day!

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  3. Yay! I'm glad you're back! I was wondering how you were doing. The best thing about having your own blog is that you can work it around your life and if you have to take a break, it'll be waiting for you when you get back. ;) I can't wait to read the rest of your story. xoxo

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    1. Thanks Shatzi for being a great blogging buddy!!

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  4. So far this sounds like I feel right now....am anxious to hear the resolution.

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    1. Hey girl, I feel for you right now, really I do.....it's so difficult to feel this way and not know why....I'm praying for you that everything works out. Keep me posted :)

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